Rains are back, or so it seems. All I see is gray. Probably the effects of my second malaria in only three months. and that handful of blue pills I have to take daily at 3pm.
I have been dreaming lately and it doesn’t help see the world any clearer. To step forward into the abyss – that’s exactly how I feel the next steps. Finally the inactivity has brought me to this place. Some kind of strange fear crept in. I am looking but not seeing the right keyhole for the key I think I have.
This is how the mind gets confused into not doing, not working, not thinking, not activating. I think I understand now. Discipline is important and this is where I fail.
Making up my mind to grow more discipline, more order. Orderliness. That can be a good start. Then one step at a time. Small things, like keep the house tidy. Make your bed in the morning. Wipe the bathroom floor. Put dishes away after breakfast. Small things.
I think I’m ready. Rain is drumming on my roof and three out of four dogs are sitting across from me, hiding from the rain. Their life is simple. All they want is to be near me. Without worrying about my issues. It’s beautiful to see that all other creatures exist totally oblivious to your issues. Reassuring in a way. In this rain, we hide in the house together. Unworried. Beautifully relaxed.
That’s the clarity I needed. I think I’m ready.