Imagine darkness. Then, see the light.

Poems

Born of a Rock

by on Oct.22, 2015, under Interesting Words on Love, Observations, Poems, Short Stories

When they give birth to you in a wrong place.

I was supposed to be born in Peru, where my dad was offered a job but he declined, due to the fact that my mom was pregnant with me.

I was their ‘ooops’ moment, eight years after my middle sister.

When I realised people have walked on the Moon – it took me four days to internalise – I decided it is time for me to step out into the world. Way premature, nearly costed me my life. But here I am.

I was born into the right kind of a rocky landscape. As harsh as the one on the Moon. Goats would be tied to rocks because rocks had loops and handles to tie animals to. Rocks were sharp. Rocks had my blood on them.

Rocks built and roofed houses, built walls and roads and bridges, or just gave sitting and chilling space. Some rough, some polished. Some slippery like death. Some hiding snakes. Some, underwater, hiding crayfish.

Rocks knew me. There is no point in hiding it. Rocks made me. In that sun, through those summers, hilltops blazing with forest fires. Rocks craved me and saved me.

A crack on the rock is a part of the whole.

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Somewhat Strange

by on Sep.20, 2015, under Horses, Interesting Words on Love, Observations, Poems, Uncategorized

These things called feelings. At some point you begin reflecting. Thinking it over and over and over. Replaying scenarios. Rethinking situations. reviewing reactions.

You question. Rightfully so. You bring yourself to the edge and count seconds before you are ready to jump. But you never jump. You step back.

Life becomes less complicated as you get older. Feelings intensify. You love yourself more. You ask for more. You determine, define, decide.

Somewhat strange that I’d let the small stuff bother me. But I did because it bothered me before and I let it be, graciously.

Let the dead horses decompose. But now they want to race, and win races with me in lanes. Wait a minute. I hold the whip and I even have a vest.

If you never sat on a horse, you don’t know what it means when the ears go down. And you find out a millisecond later when your ass is on the ground.

I think sleep is a wonderful thing. Anger tires me. I get really sleepy really late at night.

I have my new puppy on my chest. His steady breathing is translating into mine. Holding a warm puppy is a huge source of happiness and calm.

I love you. Something is misplaced between us but I love you. We need to walk the path together. Let me come back for you.

 

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Pesma bezimena – A Poem With No Name

by on Jun.26, 2015, under Interesting Words on Love, Poems, Srpski

IMG_9172Znam te.

Znam da postojiš.

Znam i nemir kojim zračiš.

Nemir i još više.

Bezimeno osećanje.

Jer da ima ime bilo bi poredjenja.

A poredjenja, jezivo, nema.

 

Imaš i ime.

Ime koje se ne sme izreći.

U mislima, nikad te imenom ne zovem.

Nikad te ne zovem.

Nikad.

I mislima, samo te gledam.

I ti vidiš samo mene.

 

Tvoje oči me posmatraju.

Stalno.

Iako me ne vide – vide me stalno.

Tvoje oči su svačije oči.

Oči špijuna.

Oči ptica.

Oči dece.

Oči konja.

Oči običnih ljudi.

 

Dve slobodne duše.

Našle se i u strahu pobegle.

Strah je sve što znaju.

 

Platnom se pokrivam.

Dugačkim da me pokrije skroz.

Tamnim da me krije u senci.

Gledam is senke.

Pratim svetla iz senke.

Čuvam dušu u mraku.

Da ti nikad ime ne pozove.

 


 

IMG_9159I know you.

I know you exist.

I know the disturbance you cause.

It is a disturbance and some more.

It is a feeling that has no name.

To name that feeling would be to compare it.

It is scarily incomparable.

 

You have a name.

A name that must not be said.

So in my thoughts, I never call you by your name.

I never call you.

I never.

In my thoughts I only see you.

And you only see – me.

 

Your eyes are seeing me.

Always.

Even though they don’t see me – they see me always.

Your eyes are everyone’s eyes.

Eyes of spies.

Eyes of birds.

Eyes of children.

Eyes of horses.

Eyes of common people.

 

Two souls that are free.

They meet and run away in fear.

Fear is all they know.

 

I cover myself in cloth.

Long enough to cover me completely.

Dark enough to hide me in the shadows.

From shadows i look out.

From shadows I follow the lights.

Keeping my soul in the dark.

So it will never call your name.

 

 

 

 

 

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Kao da ne znam – As if I don’t know

by on Mar.21, 2015, under Poems, Srpski, Uncategorized

Kao da ne znam
Da se naša bliskost neće po dobru pamtiti.
Kao da ne znam
da se neke reči i dela ne mogu vratiti
čak i kada bih to od sveg srca htela.
Kao da ne znam da me tvoje oči pomno prate, svuda.

Eto, zakoračila sam prema tebi,
rekla sam ti sve što znam,
sve što me boli.

Trebalo bi biti lakše ali meni nije. Ustvari, loše mi je.
Znak loš, telo se bori protiv tebe.
Glava, razum, truje sve ostalo,
sve se u groznici trese i zebe.

Kao da ne znam
Da se ovakve stvari nikome ne dese sem meni.

 

As if I don’t know
That our closeness won’t be remembered for any good.
As if I don’t know
that I can’t retract some words and deeds
even if I wanted to, wholeheartedly.
As if I don’t know that your eyes keenly watch over me, everywhere.

There, I made a step towards you,
I told you everything I know,
Everything that pains me.

It should have eased the pain but it didn’t. In fact, I’m ill.
It’s a bad sign, my body fights you.
My head and mind poison the rest,
everything shakes and shivers in fever.

As if I don’t know
that these things happen to no one else but me.

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Blood-green ……. Krvavo zeleno

by on Dec.12, 2013, under Poems, Srpski

Blood-green

 

Morning dew evaporated into the blue.

In the moment of death and birth,

In the game of passion,

The extra-terrestrial gods

(without thinking, making a dangerous mistake)

gave the most beautiful green eyes

to a she-horse,

dark as night that keeps the Moon asleep.

 

Her dance sparked with green light under her hoofs.

Swallows drank rainwater from her hoofprints.

 

It was a quiet day, Wind was asleep.

At noon they tied her front legs.

She grazed peacefully,

Daydreaming of wheat and meadows, sleepwalking.

 

That evening fire gutted the sky,

Another fire gutted the land,

Fear poisoned her.

Ripping off the rope,

Breaking her legs –

Tied up,

She cried,

She screamed.

 

All by herself,

Alone in her fright,

Clean fight, neatly lost.

 

The darkness of the night blended with the darkness of her coat.

Only the two green Moons

Were shining.

Blood from her wounds spilt onto the darkness, painting it red,

Colours of evil diluted by her tears.

 

Green eyes losing the sheen.

Not a spark to be seen.

 

They tied her legs.

Fear poisoned her.

Swallows drank rainwater from her hoofprints.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Krvavo-zeleno

 

Jutarnja rosa je gorela u plavi dim.

U času umiranja i radjanja,

u igri strasti,

bogovi vanzemaljski

(ne misleći, kobnom nekom greškom)

dali su najlepse zelene oči

ždrebici

tamnoj kao noć u kojoj Luna spava.

 

Igre su njene bacale zelene iskre ispod kopita.

U otisku potkovice vodu su pile laste.

 

Dan je bio miran, Eol je spavao.

Za podneva vezaše joj noge.

Pasla je mirno,

Sanjala žito i livade, stojeći.

 

Uveče, velika vatra zapali nebo

i velika vatra zapali zemlju

i nju otrova strah.

Kidala je konop,

lomila noge, sapete,

plakala,

vrištala.

 

I nikog uz nju.

I nikog uz strah.

Čista borba, čisto izgubljena.

 

Noć se izjednačila sa bojom njene dlake.

Samo su dva meseca, zelena,

sjala.

A tamu je lagano u crveno bojila krv sa njenih rana,

I grozne boje su rastvarale njene suze.

 

Zelene oči su gubile sjaj.

Ni iskre više nema.

 

Vezaše joj noge.

Otrova je strah.

U otisku potkovice vodu su pile laste.

 

 

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Randomness of rain, when I least need it.

by on Aug.26, 2012, under Interesting Words on Love, Poems, Uncategorized

In this rain I see the same persistence of time, and words we had in the past. The blessing of water that rusts the keys and drenches the soil, too hard to dig that grave and now too slippery and deceptive. The moment in time connected only to sorrow, and passage, and leaving. The drop of metal onto the wood, not muffled by the sound of flower petals falling onto the coffin. The awkward sound, like an exclamation mark in the middle of the long word. And tonight the rain brings the same awkward sound into my head. Memories are strange threads that never choose the right moment to stitch you one. It’s cold and in my soul I am finding that old warmth and wondering at the same time, why is it here? I buried it long ago. But never, it seems, for too long, or for long enough.

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Soul

by on Sep.22, 2011, under Interesting Words on Love, Poems

I recognize the backdrop to you.

It is a forest, near Mubende, and it has in it’s midst a magic tree.

It was an ordinary magic tree before, but now I seem to feel that your soul got trapped in there.

Somehow, it gives me peace, because I was worried about your soul.

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For Kelley

by on Feb.10, 2011, under Poems, Uncategorized

we keep in our heart

the people who depart

and we go on

 

every day is a cherished beam of light

that keeps us strong in this fight

against giving in, falling down

 

until we meet again, hold hands, believe,

continue where death interrupted love, friendship, togetherness

until we again become one spirit, one soul, one us

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Little Clicking Noises

by on Sep.06, 2010, under Observations, Poems

Do you hear them, them little clicking noises?

The click

and the clack

and the tick tick,

and the rest of it?

Their boring into the mind,

pecking onto the scull,

making little spongy holes?

Do you hear them, them little clicking noises?

 

Well, if you do, go and get your head checked out. You may be running mad.

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Walk Alone

by on Feb.25, 2010, under Interesting Words on Love, Poems

Walk alone, as often as you can.
Choose your company carefully.
A stray dog can become a pet, or a bite.
A stray cat finds you and moves in.

There is an infinite number of stars in the sky.
Yet it is just a number.
How will the knowledge of how many they are
change anything in your life?

A man, a woman, a child.
Impressions of a natural bond, yet every thing in nature falls apart.
Look at yourself in a mirror.
Convince yourself that you are not the one.

Which mind do you carry with you today?
A mind of a lover or a mother?
Why are you so afraid to talk to me?
When did I betray you? And how?

My steps are small, but go far.
My heart is inside my chest, thumping.
My mind is outside my head, angry.
My soul is floating in the air, hungry.

Which love are you giving today,
Which hand will you use to seed it?
I will look into your eyes again, soon enough,
and ask you “What the hell was that all about?”

Population residues are plaguing the way,
and you don’t see where you should step
because it all blends very well with you, maybe.
Once a loser always a loser. Walk alone.

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